the child sutra

As a mother, wife, artist, healer and business consultant, Ria Ray is committed to helping generate more positive life force in every one of her roles. With the intention of helping adults find more bliss in connecting with children, Ria offers this sutra, or collection of rules, to consider, live with and enjoy.

Children are living, breathing proof of intimate connection. Entirely dependent on the world's goodwill and fate, children are hugely vulnerable to the behavior of their parents, their friends, strangers and relatives. You may know this intellectually, but I wonder if you know this in your emotions when you are around any and every child?

I often observe adults who do not smile at a child who is smiling directly at them. I try to give these people the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they are tired, busy or going through heavy challenges, but their refusal to smile stays with me like a disappointment. If you cannot share a smile with a child, then you have missed out on an inspiring opportunity to connect with the life force.

Smile at a baby and you will feel the infinity of human consciousness, including your own.

Smile at a toddler and you will see the reflection of what serves you and what does not. To experience a child this way is to bathe in life.

Listen to your child's spirit (or any child's spirit, for that matter). Especially when they are agitated, pay attention to what they are communicating verbally and non-verbally. Accept and feel what they are saying. Respond with compassion, support and tell them why you understand.

As our children are growing up in an increasingly disembodied age in which computers, television and even cell phones are everyday tools for many pre-schoolers, connecting with children in an attentive way is more important than ever. (Did you know that while the average American adult watches about 4 hours of television a day, the average child watches around three hours?) How much time do you and your children typically spend on computers each day? How much time do you spend simply talking with each other without any media going on in the foreground or background? This is worth contemplating.

Perhaps the easiest way to connect profoundly with any child is to simply listen to them with your full attention. As a mother, I know that even children who lack the ability to communicate in complete sentences know when you are ignoring them. They show their awareness by variously pouting, crying, going silent, running away, breaking things, you get the picture.

Remember that children experience everything in and around them in a deeply emotional, impressionistic and intellectual way. Often when I am observing children, I can tell from their body language, speech and gestures that they are experiencing life more directly than the distracted, stressed or self-absorbed adults surrounding them. Have you ever noticed in a park, at a family gathering or in the schoolyard, how children fill up with joy, sweetness, fear or aggression while the grown-ups remain oblivious to the emotional epics being experienced by the little ones nearby?

In those moments when you find your own child or other children annoying, try to remember that children create a space in which adults can learn how to be kinder, more connected human beings. This is because even when children bear the brunt of thoughtless or unkind behavior, they still forgive. And forgive and forgive.

A child's forgiveness is a gift that bestows upon us the opportunity to APOLOGIZE to them and learn.

As adults, we must always cultivate the humility and grace to know and learn when we do something or say something wrong to each other or to a child.

Rather than symbolizing an admission of wrong, an authentic apology to a child is a beautiful surrender that authentically deepens the adult-child connection in a healthy, mutually empowering way.

Children are born diplomats. Children know and feel that when an adult apologizes to them, their humanity is being respected and sometimes even treasured. Children often recognize when adult vision or behavior is skewed and their child vision is completely on target. It can feel quite comforting to release your ego and embody an apology to a child. By doing so, you model peacemaking, humanity and humility. This makes it easier for children to make peace, as well.

Children belong to the billions that make up the human family. We can help them grow stronger yet gentler simply by connecting intimately and carefully with them. Here's to helping foster healthy connections with all children on the planet, regardless of their age or relation to us.