A breakthrough brain scan study of people who experienced rejection, insults, put-downs and other social snubs has found that verbal attacks can cause physical pain similar to the feeling of getting kicked in the stomach (Science, vol.302, no.5643). In other words, emotional pain is not all in your brain: it's in your organs, it affects your heartbeat, your nervous system, your entire being.

Using functional magnetic imaging, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) examined volunteers' brain activity after they experienced various snubs. The brain scans lit up the same way as when they experienced bodily pain. "A snub is a symbolic attack," says San Francisco psychologist Christopher McCullough, Ph.D., author of "Managing Your Anxiety," a classic self-help book on mastering emotions and moods.

As Dr. McCullough explains, "People snub others in order to diminish them, and in so doing, the snubber gets to feel more important, worthwhile or powerful. It makes sense that we respond in the same way to a putdown as we would if someone hurt us physically."

There are several effective ways to soothe this emotional bruising, says Dr. McCullough. They all involve emotional self-management, which is easy to learn and empowering to practice.

One: "You need to empower yourself to soften the blow of the insult, " he says. "Realize that the snubber is weak-- and although they tried to make you feel weak and powerless, they will never succeed," he says.

Two: Remind yourself that this person is on a power trip that you don't have to take.

Three: Tell yourself that he or she is really high maintenance and you don't need to maintain their condition.

Four: "Remember that their point of view is simply their point of view-- it's not necessarily the truth."

In some cases, snubs are merely miscommunications, says Dr. McCullough. "Try to determine what the person truly meant by their words. Listen closely and feel free to constructively manage snubs in conversation without confronting the person. You may find that they merely lack effective people skills and that the snub is nothing personal."