Intimacy and Communication

Intimacy is the art of keeping one’s heart authentically open. Intimacy within relationships allows us to deepen the intimacy within our Self. Intimacy within our Self creates positive, soulful, and inventive relationships with the world.

Our deepest learning, frightening realizations and authentic measurement of our evolution lives inside of romantic relationships. Most of us have been patterned early in our lives to shut our hearts as tightly as possible, suit up the armor, distrust, and intellectualize love– to defy our spirit. It makes perfect sense why as a culture, relationships have become disposal, grueling, or impossible. We are in a society where there is little devotion, patience, or acceptance. We don’t slow down enough to enjoy what truly matters and most of the time we need a life-altering tragedy before we choose to understand unconditional love. We tend to practice being different that who we truly are with those that we choose to love. The right relationship sheds light on your trueness and melts your armor. It is easy to run away from seeing yourself; your beauty and your shadow. An intimate relationship is brutally honest and can fall into deep chaos and drama at any moment. They need to be consistently handled with the slow breath of mindfulness. Remember, being in love challenges every bit of our self-worth, connection, and evolution; it forces us to keep our heart open. This is a positive thing. And for those of you still angry, resentful, and or healing from a past relationship or in one, please read this with openness. It is time to enjoy trusting. It is not about trusting another; it is about trusting your Self. That is connection. You are always safe when you first trust your Self. When you know that, you are exactly in the right place at the right time with the right person.

When our negative issues show up through the behavior of another, it is important to embrace it and integrate it into positive and permanent change. When one is a positive mirror it is equally important to embrace what many call our greatness and integrate that into even more positive and permanent change. As the intensity of the relationship increases so will the mirror and the depth of possible healing. This is when communicating from Self-healing becomes essential.

We tend to choose partners whether its romantic or close friendships or business that reflect both our highest potential and deepest shadow. The trick is to work on consciously and consistently choosing to be our highest Self in order to allow the best in your partner. Naturally active patience through conscious communication allows a relationship to flourish and evolve. And what allows us to communicate authentically is our personal healing and awareness.

One of the largest challenges in resolution is the dissolving of the ego; who is right and who is wrong. This mentality is the core of war and the shadow of power. This is a choice. I recommend to be in your grace and allow love to resolve instead of the facade of justice.

Every moment you are riddled with guilt, shame, unworthiness, etc your partner will be affected and every time you are unaware of these issues, you give your partner the potential to mirror your shadow. It is amazing how the unawareness of your guilt for happiness or success can create a drama filled evening. And how your partner’s Self-hatred can teach you to be a negative mirror for him/her. We are all made up of high sensitivity levels of energy that create responses or reactions. Responses create positive outcomes and reactions create drama. When we are unaware of what lives inside of us, we create reactions from others and our Self and especially in our closely woven romantic relationships. Those reactions never allow us to live a life without longing.

Now the complaints you have about your partner need to be taken into your responsibility first. Ask yourself, “am I authentically able to receive what I need my partner to give me?” Stand in integrity and give yourself enough quiet time to embrace your shadow. Are there parts of you that need to be healed in order to create space to receive that which you need? My belief is when you are in a relationship that is not serving you and you are still in it, there is still healing and wisdom to be acquired. I am amazed at how taking real responsibility for your part can turn what may look, sound, and feel like an abusive relationships into unconditionally loving ones.

Now when you are clear with integrity that the issue is not yours, then it is time to breathe into your own spirit space and allow yourself to experience the complete picture of you and your partner. Allow it to organize through connecting to active listening. Active listening being you allowing your spirit to connect to your mind, body, and heart. In most relationships very little listening actually occurs. We think we do and mostly we listen with a mistrusting filter that un-empowers our heart; we shut down at the slightest off-putting sound or comment. Each conflict is an opportunity to deepen Self-love not battle the ego. This may be incredibly challenging, however, it is simple and a necessity. We learn and experience that unconditional love through spiritual awareness is complicated, rare, and in some cases impossible. It is not and it is. We simply must create the space to allow love into our world by breathing. Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Give yourself limitless space to exhale and let go as you open to divine listening. You will know when you have arrived by allowing the perfect blend of compassion, forgiveness, and clarity to live and you will experience the knowing. Faith cannot be taught, but it can be shared and experienced. Wrap yourself in patience and allow the perfect opportunity to listen and speak. If you are truly in love with yourself and your partner, you will go the distance. Your relationship deserves unconditional love and consistent new perspectives and energy.

If your partner acts out in ways that serve your shadow, choose to not engage. Breathe and observe. Again allow patience to be your teacher. Look inward. Your buttons can only be pushed when the issue is alive inside of you. When you authentically let go, your buttons cannot be pushed because you eliminate reaction. However, keep in mind that learning and evolution is forever so most likely there will always be new buttons pushed. It is easy to see how romantic relationships like children teach us awareness and love when we allow them to.

Ria Ray is a spiritual advisor, an accomplished artist, Mother and a loving wife/partner. She is also the founder of Mantra Ties.

written by ria ray